I've been processing in my mind back and forth about this blog. I've been really struggling with blogging very much of anything lately. I've thought about deleting it entirely but I don't think I can do that even. I've put effort into this blog whether or not I'm writing on here. I love to write and I looked on blogging as a fun way to keep a log of what I love. That's what this blog is all about. Ideas & reflection. Eventually, I'm sure I'll get back to writing and blogging more. I actually have a notebook full of ideas that I'd like to write into blogs but I obviously haven't as of yet. I've even considered just starting a whole new blog over but I'm not sure if that's the answer yet either until I'm ready to be more consistent and serious as that's what I feel I should be about blogging. So, for now I shared this poem recently again with a poetry group and as I'm awaiting their thoughts I thought I'd start somewhere again on this blog and share it with you.
Here is a poem I wrote mainly to provide awareness for mental illness. It is very real and deep for those who experience it and for others around them experiencing it along with them and struggling to understand, whether or not to help but most of all trying to love them unconditionally. Even I feel a need to be more aware and understanding of this real issue so that's why I wrote this in March of 2008. This is a raw draft. Anyway, I'm curious as to what you might think of my poetry anyway. Here goes:
Mental Twist
By Julie A. Carter
There is a pain
a twist inside
I don’t understand
buried deep within
I can feel it now
almost as if it were
hidden in the shadows
amongst tiny crevices
yet its twisted and creeps up
through my heart
spiraling, tingling
a hurtful sensation
physically sick
“Anxiety, they tell me
Calm your nerves.”
I can’t - -
I don’t understand why
I thought my life was going great
I thought I was easy going,
Even optimistic
What do you mean, I’m not?
“Medication, that’s what you need
Then it will go away
You’ll function again.”
I try, but it’s strange
and new - -
Actually, I can’t think
I feel
numb
Perhaps before I could
feel
but I’m forgetting about
before
All I know is
I just hurt - -
There is a pain
a twist inside
I don’t understand
*image taken from this blog.
Starting again with Poetry
Posted by
Julie
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Labels: my writing , poetry , thoughts
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8 comments:
I love this poem. Each time I read it, I can feel that twist myself. It feels almost metallic, industrial grade steel. I wonder if I have often let it function as a sort of skeleton. Something for me to think about. Great poem, Julie.
Erin - Thanks so much for what you said and how you described it. It helps and I like what you said. I appreciate your comment. :)
Julie,
That was beautiful! Sometimes the twisting pain is the start of a journey with a wonderful ending! One thing time guarantees is change. Nothing stays the same. Julie, you are awesome and so talented at words.
Thanks for your kind and true words, Wheezer. I'm so happy you took the time to stop by and read my poem. You are a wonderful example and pretty amazing yourself!
Hi Julie,
I just discovered your blog via Twitter (where I am new). I can really relate to your ambivalence about blogging, and am going through a metamorphosis myself. I've blogged at Switched At Birth (http://www.switchedatbirth.us) since late 2003! A lot of history there. But as my writing expands to other venues, I am finding my blog archives are like a huge mountain of word compost, and it has occurred to me that all the material and themes I need are there for: 1. essays and stories to submit 2. material for freelance work and 3. photos and words for "Memoir of a Small Forest" (working title) which I have started work on. Meanwhile, I felt like I needed a break to start sort of fresh with a different style blog, and so have just very recently started "Westmark Writes." (at http://www.ElizabethWestmark.com).
Sorry for this long "comment." I just wanted you to know there are other writers struggling with some of the same issues.
Sincerely,
Elizabeth (Beth)
Thanks so much, Beth! I love "long" comments, btw. I appreciate what you said and for your encouragement. I know I still have a lot to learn about writing and blogging. Soon, I'll learn what suits me. I've checked out your blog and it's very impressive. I love your idea about the 3 am micro-blog. I seem to get ideas at that time too. Sometimes I write them in a notebook but I've forgotten too. It's hard when you forget a great idea because you're tired.
Thanks again for checking my blog out. I hope to hear you around - Twitter etc... ;)
Julie, I love poem. It's exactly how I'm feeling at the moment. I would love to read more.
Chasidy Jean - I have a lot more to share I just need to get it typed up into a post. I'm very glad you liked it. Thanks!
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